Sunday, February 17, 2008

Just Some Thoughts on Dreaming....

Well, first, let me start by saying that I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day.
I was just reading another blog, and it was talking about dreams. Not the ones we have while we are sleeping, but the ones we hang on to about our life and our goals. It's a very good post and you should read it. A very dear friend of mine wrote it and he makes some very good points. I promise that you WILL enjoy it.
I wanted to elaborate a bit on where he started and take things out on my own tangent. I have had a lot of dreams for my life and although many of them have never come to forwishen, I still hold them in my heart.
The only one that has become a reality for me is becoming a mother. When I was a little girl, I knew that I was going to grow up, get married to a wonderful man and be the best mommy. Well, my marriage(s) fell apart, but I still have my kids and they mean the world to me.
I'm not a perfect mother, by any means, but I work hard to make sure that my kids are happy and that they know how much they are loved.
I have fought depression for years, and sometimes...well, sometimes, I just don't want to be "mommy" any more. Please don't get me wrong. I love my children. It's just that sometimes, I get to a point where I am just exhausted and really don't know how much more I can take. My oldest is 17 and my youngest is 2. I really have just about had enough of changing diapers, fighting bedtime, never being able to sleep in and other stuff. I know I sound like I am whining and ungrateful, but am I really the only mother that has ever felt that way?
My dream of being a mother included all of the usual things that we picture. What it did not include doing it all, alone, every day. I know that there are lots of single moms out there and I do not want to make this sound like I am having a pity party...I'm just tired...
So, now my dreams have changed a bit. I dream of my children being grown and happy and successful and for myself, I dream of finding a wonderful man to share my life with. Someone who loves me just as I am and will be there when I need a shoulder. He will be warm, compassionate and love me better than I ever thought possible. He will enjoy walking around a lake with me, he won't mind cooking or laundry, and he will tell me how much he loves me, everyday. He will love my family and I will love his. Our pasts will be understood and accepted and our future will be...together.
My children are going to grow up and leave me someday. I don't want to end up alone when they are gone. Maybe someday, this simple dream of mine, will come true. Thanks for listening, Charlie

1 Comment:

Darrel said...

dont let go of it... he is out there and he may be looking for the same things in this life you are. This was written with heart and soul,and i enjoyed every single word. hugs to you from me...

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